By Hal Stone, Ph.D., and Sidra Stone, Ph.D.. Reproduced with permission.
Hal and Sidra Stone: their work and the complete article library · Further Reading
by Hal Stone, Ph.D. & Sidra Stone, Ph.D.
This article is the third in a series of four written in1994 for the journal, Psychotherapy in Australia. Itdescribes how to use Voice Dialogue and was writtenfor mental health professionals only. Voice Dialogue is the method that enables oneto contact, understand, and work directly withthe many selves that make up the human psyche.It is precise, like a laser beam, enabling the clinician,or a facilitator, to focus upon a specific areaof psyche for exploration, understanding, andhealing. Voice Dialogue is a tool that is compatiblewith most psychological systems and canbe used with a wide variety of backgrounds. Ofcourse, one’s individual theoretical frameworkwill undoubtedly affect the choice of selves to beexplored and will impact the way in which theinformation gained by this method is processed.
It is interesting to note that Voice Dialoguegrew from our own relationship and our ownneeds for a new way to learn about one another;it was not developed in a clinical setting. Therefore,it is totally accepting and non-judgmental.It is not oriented towards pathology nor is itfocused upon discovering what is wrong. It is anexploration of what is, without assumptions as tohow things should be. When using this method,one assumes that all selves are to be honored;that each one has both positive and negativeaspects. The basic attitude of the “facilitator”,i.e., the person who facilitates this process, is oneof interest and acceptance.
The Basic Principles
1. An attitude of acceptance and respect isextremely important in the Voice Dialoguefacilitation process. The facilitator is an explorer,an interested observer who is trying to discoveras much as possible about each self. The selvesare extremely sensitive to the feelings and judgmentsof the facilitator and they will not respondif they sense disapproval or manipulation. Thisis a method that will not work effectively unlessit is used with a proper attitude. When it is usedproperly, however, it provides quick and easy accessto much of the psyche.
2. When facilitating using the Voice Dialoguemethod, we are not trying to change selves,to get rid of them, or to help them to grow upand be more sensible. There should be no agenda.Changes will take place, growth will occur, therewill be healing, but these cannot be the aims ofthe facilitator.
3. The facilitator does not negotiate amongstselves. There is no attempt to get the selves toagree on anything. Each self is different, andthese differences are to be respected. Instead oftrying to get the selves to agree, the facilitatorhelps each self to clarify its views and to give asmuch information as possible. Thus, the subject(or client) learns to live with the tension of opposingviewpoints represented by these selvesand to make decisions which take these oppositesinto consideration.
4. The aim in Voice Dialogue is to expandthe client’s ability to make choices in life ratherthan to behave in an automatic and unconsciousfashion. This is the aim of most therapeutic systems,however it is conceptualized.
For us, this ability to have choice when makingdecisions, to see both sides of an issue andto behave with greater awareness and consciousnessis carried by an ever-evolving aspect ofconsciousness that we call an “Aware Ego” . Wesee this Aware Ego as separate from the selves,aware of them and of the effect that they have,and able to make choices by taking the views ofopposing selves into consideration.
The Method
1. Relax
First relax, get centered and quiet your owninner pusher and critic. Ideally these sessionsare conducted in a relaxed yet alert fashion.The emphasis is upon the subject, not uponyour performance as the facilitator. You willbe observing the subject’s energy patterns andlooking at physiological, emotional and linguisticcues. People love to do Voice Dialogueand if you remain unselfconscious, this methodis quite simple.
2. Mapping the Psyche
The first step in this process is to create a“psychic map”. By this, we mean you as the facilitatorwill identify some of the primary selves thatare operating in the subject’s life and the selvesthat carry the opposite characteristics that aredisowned. This is done by listening as the subjectdiscusses some aspect of life or a particular issuethat is troublesome. It is important to get a pictureof the territory that is to be explored beforebeginning so that you have an idea of how theselves are aligned and what might be expected inthe facilitation.
This “psychic map” is open to constantrevision. You may keep this “map” abstract as aconcept, or you might actually draw a diagramor picture for yourself and your client. Your ownclinical background will determine the way inwhich you conceptualize this psychic map.
Listen for the primary selves as the subjectdiscusses values and characteristic behaviors. Theastute clinician will easily detect these primaryselves. For instance, phrases like: “I never seem toget enough done”, “I’m always in a rush”, “Therearen’t enough hours in the day” suggest that thePusher is a primary self. Thus, the facilitatorwould see the Pusher as a primary self and the“Lazybones” or “Beach Bum” as a disowned self.These maps can be as simple or as complex asyou wish. At the most simple, you will be thinkingin terms of primary and disowned selves andof the vulnerable child which is being protected.
Listen for the disowned selves as the subjectcriticizes others. When a client says critically ofsomeone else: “She is so self-involved and inconsiderate.Her children already have problems.” itis quite likely that this client has disowned herown selfishness and is unable to pay attentionto her own needs. A man who says angrily ofanother: “He is a tyrant” has probably disownedhis own power and characteristically defers tothe requirements of others.
3. Introduce the idea of selves and seehow the client responds.
For example, “It sounds like there’s a partof you that’s always in a hurry and trying to domore even when you are getting tired and wantto rest.” If you hit upon a primary self, mostpeople will respond easily to this suggestion.“Yes, that’s me. I can always do a little bit more.”
Another way of doing this is to speak abouttwo sides of a conflict as two different selves.For instance: “So, one part of you wants to goto school and train to be a teacher, but anotherpart is afraid that if you are away from home toomuch, your family will suffer.” If the client respondspositively, you are in a position to talk toboth selves. “the part that wants to go to school”and “the part that thinks it is important to putthe needs of the family first”.
Voice Dialogue is not for everyone, and theclient must be able to think in terms of selves.As the client becomes accustomed to thinking interms of selves, it is a small step to move him orher into a position of talking to them.
4. Begin Voice Dialogue by PhysicallySeparating the Self
When you are ready to talk to a specificself, simply ask your client to move to anotherspace in the room. The client, or subject, thenchanges position or seats or simply moves his/her chair. The original position of the client’schair is taken as the position of the client’s egoor the Aware Ego.
This movement away from the original positionis very important even though at first itmay feel somewhat artificial. This aides in theseparation and the objectification of the selves.It is also a great help for you as the facilitatorbecause you will be able to use the positionsof the selves to identify them and to see howthey relate to one another. As the selves positionthemselves about the room, they actuallycreate a psychic map. The selves will return totheir individual positions when you talk withthem on subsequent occasions.
Each self has its own position and theselves will play out their dramas around theAware Ego. The Protector Controller mightsit between you and the client’s original chair.The vulnerable child invariably sits in a corneror curls up on a couch (often with a pillow ifthis is available). The inner critic has a tendencyto stand up and survey the entire sceneto get a better perspective. Angry selves oftenprefer to pace around the room.
5. Facilitation
Once the self has taken up its position inthe room, the facilitator can begin to speak withit. Simply talk with the self as though it were areal person because, as you will discover, it is. Aswe mentioned at the beginning, your attitude willbe most important at this time. The more curious,open minded, empathetic you can be, the better thiswill work. Feel free to use all your clinical skills ininterviewing the self. It will be appreciated.
The most amazing discovery is that theseselves are delighted to talk. So relax and enjoy. Ifthis becomes tedious or burdensome, stop. Eitheryou are trying too hard, or you have lost the selfand are talking to a protective self that is tryingto keep you away from something that seems toothreatening.
6. Begin with the Primary Selves
The most important work that you willdo is to separate the subject from his orher primary selves. Although the work withdisowned material may be more dramatic, itis the separation from the primary self that isthe essential goal. If the Aware Ego does notsuccessfully separate from the primary self,then it will just move in again when the clientleaves your office and will resume control ofthe client’s life.
In later sessions, the disowned selves can beexplored. This is done only after the primaryselves are understood and their role in the client’slife is fully appreciated. The primary selves arean amazing source of information about the difficultiesand dangers that have faced your client. They know about the vulnerability, the fears, andthe inadequacies that need protection. Once theprimary selves are aware that the client is readyto accept responsibility, they will allow you towork with the disowned selves.
After working with a disowned self, take timeto check back with the primary self that representsthe opposite characteristics. This emphasis uponthe primary selves keeps the work safe and allowsprogress at a rate that is appropriate to your client.
7. Observe Changes in the Energy Patterns
As you do this work, you will become evenmore sensitized to very subtle changes in yourclient. The astute clinician has always been sensitiveto shifting selves or energy patterns. You willfind that the more you use Voice Dialogue, themore sensitized you will become to these shifts.You will practically begin to see when one oranother of the selves takes over control of thepsyche.
As you observe changes in the energy patterns,you will notice when you are moving outof contact with a self. Perhaps another has comein, or perhaps it is time to end this particular partof the facilitation.
8. Altered States of Consciousness
When you are talking to a self, the subject isin an altered state of awareness. There is no egopresent to protect your client. Treat this with respectand caution. Try to avoid interruptions anddo not leave the client alone when in a self. Ifit is necessary to leave, return the subject to theplace of the ego and separate him or her fromthe self that you have been exploring.It is best to return to a primary self before endingthe session. This helps to anchor the work. Donot leave the client or subject in a self at the end ofa session. Always return to the position of the ego(or Aware Ego). Leave 10 minutes or more to summarizeand discuss what has happened. This givesthe subject a chance to center and to prepare to goback out in the world.
9. Summarize for the Awareness
The Awareness is a position of non-judgmentalconsideration of the selves. It gives anoverview that we see as similar to the witnessstate that people achieve in meditation.
In order to develop this Awareness, ask yourclient to stand beside you facing the selves andthen summarize the important points of the sessionfor him/her. You can be as brief or detailedas you wish, but be objective. This gives clearlydelineated insights and enables the client orsubject to “see” the selves, their roles and theirinteractions. Sometimes during this summary,additional insights or realizations will spontaneouslyemerge as the client “looks” at the selves inthis way.
10. Return to the Ego Position (the AwareEgo) for Centering and Integration
At the end of the session, always return theclient to the original chair or position. Leaveadequate time (at least 10 minutes) for discussion.This is a time for you to help your client toseparate from the selves that have spoken andto integrate the work that has been done. It isimportant to discuss what has happened and toencourage the subject to speak about his or herreactions.
If the session has been particularly intense, itwould be appropriate to suggest that the clienttake some extra time before returning to the dailyroutine. This is a time to be quiet and to savor theexperience, to take a walk, to get something to eat,or to have a cup of coffee or tea.
General Considerations
In Voice Dialogue, never go beyond your level ofcomfort either as a facilitator or as a subject. Asa therapist, we suggest that you let your clientsknow that they are not expected to push beyondwhat seems comfortable for them.
Taping these sessions can be extremely valuable.The client is able to listen to the selvesafter the session is over and this can induct evengreater awareness and insight.
If possible, we suggest that sessions last atleast one and one half hours. This gives adequatetime for the selves to emerge clearly and then allowsadditional time at the end of the session fordiscussion and centering.
We cannot do justice to the complexity ofthe Voice Dialogue process in such a brief article.However, we have covered the basic information.For a more complete explanation of this workand for transcripts of typical Voice Dialogue sessions,please refer to our book, Embracing Our Selves.
In Closing
Voice Dialogue as an instrument is the samefor everyone, but the sound of the music itplays is different for each of us. Each of usbrings to this instrument our own individualbackground or belief system and a specificset of interests and talents. We have differentlevels of maturity and our own specificskills. Thus, although the instrument of VoiceDialogue is the same for us all, the music thateach person produces will be unique.
© 1994
Original source and copyright: Hal Stone, Ph.D., and Sidra Stone, Ph.D.. Read the original at Voice Dialogue International.