By Hal Stone, Ph.D., and Sidra Stone, Ph.D.. Reproduced with permission.
Hal and Sidra Stone: their work and the complete article library · Further Reading
by Hal Stone, Ph.D. & Sidra Stone, Ph.D.
Susan is a powerful woman—a successful, selfmade,independent woman and proud of it. Sheis someone who is clearly in charge of her life.Susan is judgmental of people who are weak,sensitive, or needy. She thinks of them as “wimpswho are unable to stand on their own two feet”.Early one morning, Susan is awakened by a verydisturbing dream image and try as she might,she cannot get it out of her mind. She dreamtthat she was in her kitchen getting ready to cookdinner. When she opened her refrigerator, shewas horrified to find a very young child curled upin the back of the top shelf. This child was blue– perhaps frozen to death – and had apparentlybeen there for some time. Susan knew thatthis was her fault, that this infant had been herresponsibility.
Why does Susan have a dream like this?What does it mean?
This dream is a wake up call. It is a directmessage from her unconscious to tell Susan thatshe is neglecting an important part of her life.She is neglecting her own vulnerable inner child.As she goes about her life in the world – a worldthat is basically not kind to vulnerable children –she has left her own vulnerability behind. Whilethe outer Susan seems to be flourishing, an innerSusan is alone and freezing.
Susan, like the rest of us, needed to learn tolive in this world. It was important to find waysof protecting her vulnerability by developing apowerful personality made up of her primaryselves (as we describe in our Voice Dialoguevideo series and in our books) or she wouldhave grown up a victim, totally at the mercy ofothers and not able to deal with the harshnessof life. So she neglected this inner vulnerablechild (basically “put her on ice”) while she wasbuilding her life, going to school, learninghow to be successful in the world, andestablishing herself professionally. But now,Susan’s soul needs are coming forward, andher unconscious is clearly telling her that it istime to go back and to pick up what she leftbehind. The message is compelling; the imageis lodged firmly in her mind.
If you know about your vulnerability – orthis sensitivity—you can take care of it yourselfconsciously and with choice. Otherwise, it will becared for unconsciously or automatically in yourrelationships. These relationships can be withspouses, parents, children, friends, colleagues,workers, bosses, teachers, political leaders, orpets. It can even be cared for unconsciously—byyour computer or your TV.
All of us can be manipulated through thisvulnerability and the “spin doctors” of the worldknow very well how to do this. Advertisingpeople use our vulnerability to sell products. Firstthey make us vulnerable by making us afraid ofbeing inferior or unloved. Then they give us thesolution – everything from sweeter breath andbetter soap products, to Hummers (military-typecars), to larger breasts or penises. Our politicianscan play upon our vulnerability by emphasizingdanger. And, just like the advertising people,once they make us vulnerable, they come forthwith a solution – their own agenda.
Why is this important? As we say in ourVoice Dialogue video series—and in all of ourbooks—caring for one’s own vulnerability isindispensable for anyone who wants the freedomof choice in life. It is also the very foundationfor a good relationship. This is so important thatwe devote sections of our books and the videosto this vulnerability and to some of the ways inwhich you can care for your own.
If you are not aware of your own vulnerabilityand you don’t take care of it consciously, youhave unconsciously placed your sensitivitiesand needs in the hands of others and—inthe deepest sense—you’re very vulnerable inlife. Paradoxically, i t is embracing this veryvulnerability, this fine tuning, that can helpyou to enjoy life – to appreciate beauty, to feelwonder, to enjoy silence and “being” time, andto make the deepest and most delicious intimateconnections with others.
© 2003
Original source and copyright: Hal Stone, Ph.D., and Sidra Stone, Ph.D.. Read the original at Voice Dialogue International.