By Hal Stone, Ph.D.. Reproduced with permission.
Hal and Sidra Stone: their work and the complete article library · Further Reading
by
HAL STONE, PhD ©
Jane, a therapist and teacher, wrote to Hal asking about the idea of"authenticity". Since this is a subject that is very dear to Hal, he wasdelighted to answer her, and here is his answer. His original letter waswritten in 2015 and he updated it in March 2019.
Dear Jane,
I'm going to write down a few thoughts about the topic ofauthenticity. The following quote is from one of the Googledictionaries under "Authenticity":
Authenticity concerns the truthfulness of origins, attributes, commitments,sincerity, devotion, and intentions.
Genuineness -- This is a word used in many definitions of authenticity.
For myself, the use of the word "Authentic" falls into the samecategory as the words "Love" and "Compassion". We are taught inmany different ways a spiritual dictum that Love is good andCompassion is good and that Being Authentic/Genuine isgood. What this leads to is an attempt by people to try to beloving and try to be compassionate and, of course, is there anyoneyou know that doesn't want to be Authentic.
The key to understanding this issue is the word "Try." If you tryto be genuine and loving then that means that the oppositeenergies go underground. Acting genuine is a self/energy systemjust as love and compassion are self/energy systems. They arenot good and they are not bad. This depends on which Self orSelf System is running our life.
Many years ago my first analyst Jay Dunn shared with me a veryinteresting story that I wrote about in one of my recent articles:A young physician in his late thirties came from a strong Christianbackground and was very strongly identified with love andcompassion. He was trying to be of service to mankind. He madea decision to take off 6 months from his medical practice to liveand work in what was still a very primitive area that was nottotally safe. His wife was opposed to his going there but he felthe was strongly called to make this move. He was, for himself,living out of what he thought was his authentic self.
A month before he was to leave he had the following dream: "Heis with the tribe of people that belongs to the village where hewill be living and working. They are sitting in a semi-circle aroundhim and he is sitting on a throne chair in front of them that isquite elevated and he is eloquent. He is teaching them somethingabout Christian values when he awakens."
The dreamer had been in analysis long enough to have some realfeeing about the dream and he was quite shocked at theimage. He had to begin to deal now with a part of him that heknew nothing about: his own "messianic" self-system. Here he isas the King/Teacher/Physician high above his flock ofparishioners. One doesn't need to be a rocket scientist tounderstand this dream and its compensatory nature. It is thiskind of deeper Intelligence that lies latent within each of us andwhen it is activated, it begins to systematically guide our processin a way that becomes increasingly clear and organized.
Does this dream mean that he is not an authentic human being ornot really compassionate or loving? Not at all! The Intelligencethat lived within him was simply helping him to see and feel thereality of another part of him that is quite opposite to his highlyspiritualized picture of himself. He has a chance now to find hisown shadow side -- a part of him that has remained asleep untilthis dream awakens him to the task at hand. He has a chance nowto feel opposites. He actually begins to wonder if it might be thebest idea to go on this missionary journey. For the first time heis able and willing to hear his wife express her very deepconcerns about the trip. He now begins to stand between theSpiritual/Authentic/Caring/Loving/Compassionate human beingwith which he has always been identified on the one side. On theother side stands the part of him that carries the awakeningsleeping giant of his darker nature that would carry hisunconscious power system, his selfishness and his Machiavelliannature. It is just the beginning of the emergence of the shadowside and it is something that he will be working with for the restof his life. It is this challenge that belongs to all of us.
So now we need to understand the nature of the Authenticcontinuum. Authenticity has become a New Age Mantra for theway one is supposed to behave in the world. I have no personalinterest in becoming Authentic. I do have an interest always inbecoming more Conscious and this means for me the constantsearch for opposites within myself and learning how to live withthese opposites in the world. I have a keen interest in payingattention to my judgments because I realize now that myjudgments are always one of my primary selves judging one of mydisowned selves that is being projected onto someone in my life.
The identification with Authenticity in someone's life can makelife very difficult in the same way that we may be identified withthe idea of always being loving and/or compassionate. There aremany people in the world that we have to "handle" or dealwith. They may be in your own family or they may be at work orthey may be amongst lesser and better friends. If you try to beintimate and authentic to people who live identified with selvesthat are opposite to you, then you can easily become an emotionaland psychological victim. If you are always trying to be authenticI suggest that you begin to watch your dreams and also yourdaydreams. Always remember that the Dream Ego is most of thetime an expression of your primary self or selves in action. TheDaydream Ego is the opposite and there you will find that theDaydream Ego is an expression of your disowned selves.
If you "handle" someone, or some group of people, does that makeyou inauthentic? Not at all! Someone who insists on always tellingthe truth and always expressing his "deeper" feelings wouldcertainly say that the idea of "handling" would be a total negative.It just means that the primary self of "Goodness" is judging thedisowned self of "Darkness."
Love/ Compassion/Authenticity are all very nice energies to beconnected to in oneself. The issue is to not be married to them.If you are not married to them, then you don't have to try and bethe selves you are married to. It is equally important to becomeaware and have available the energies of the dark side. It is ourtask to learn how to hold the balance between these twosystems. It is this balance that is essential to our survival on theplanet and, on an individual level, to minimize our chances offalling into victimhood.
I hope these ideas help.
Warmest wishes,
Hal
Original source and copyright: Hal Stone, Ph.D.. Read the original at Voice Dialogue International.